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Lily is Blooming with Lily Carter: Childhood Fantasies

By on May 18, 2012
Sleepy Lily

I promised to share some childhood fantasies of mine. I’m not sure if this is what you expected.

Everyone has childhood dreams and wishes. Everyone experiences a desire of some sort. I’m sure I had what would be considered normal desires, but I also had more sexual desires at a really young age. I never shared such things with anyone, including my own conscience, until just recently.

As a child, probably starting about 1st grade, I would repeat a scenario in my head until I feel asleep. Im pretty positive that many people do this; children and adults. However I do not think that many children have such rash fantasy worlds as I did. Is public nudity a common desire for 7 year olds? I don’t think so!

One scenario I had took place at a daycare in my neighborhood. In short, I would be undressed by a couple older boys and made fun of. The time would come to go to school and I would have to walk to my bus stop naked. I thought about this until I fell asleep, hoping that my dreams would take over and complete my story. I’m not sure if it ever worked.

Another reoccurring fantasy involved being tied up in front of my class room and touched by the other children. I couldn’t help but enjoy myself and all the students could tell. Almost every fantasy I had involved that embarrassing feeling of liking something you shouldn’t.

At such a young age, I really had no idea that these thoughts in my head were sexual. I did not see them as fantasies. I just used them to put myself to sleep, hoping to dream of them. I did however know that they were weird and  different, which is probably why I had them buried for so long. The older I grew the deeper I buried them, and the more explicit they became.

In about my preteens my countless fantasies started to involve penetration with foreign objects. When high school hit, full on rape fantasies took hold of my private bedtime stories.The older i became the more dirty the scenario. Such as more men and bigger audiences.It always involved people watching and it always involved me fighting the urge to enjoy it.

I haven’t researched this topic much so I have no idea how to correlate these fantasies with my childhood abuse, my twisted games of house, and my unfulfillable appetite for sex. Maybe I will never connect the dots but it does feel nice to write about.

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