The Accidental Voyeur: Band of Joy

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Here they come again, the all-girl porn star rock band called (what else but) Tight! Yep, this is the act that NBC considered “too controversial for prime time” and they’re now seen on DVD in an all-XXX version, Tight, Volume One: Cum Hear Bree’s Band, the first of (count ‘em) eleven movies laden with sex scenes galore.

I’ve been tracking their progress for a while, ever since the original R-rated film that the New York Post dubbed “the best mockumentary since Spinal Tap” aroused the interest of Howard Stern and then those lily-livered network executives of America’s Got Talent who suddenly pleaded cold feet and rescinded their interest, alleging how these girls might unsettle mainstream living rooms.

Well, what did they expect, the Partridge Family? Last September’s release of that original film, Tight: Rock ‘n’ Roll the Hard Way, saw Charlie Sheen “goddess” Bree Olson playing the manager of this ramshackle ensemble of real-life porn babes as they meet to rehearse and then take to the road on a tour bus from Las Vegas to Los Angeles with whistle stops in Phoenix, Denver, Santa Fe and Albuquerque, attempting (not always successfully) to both play together and get along like new best friends.

And how, you might ask, do I know all this? Simple – yours truly wrote the liner notes for that original reality-documentary DVD!

I was, admittedly, aided and abetted by my longtime dear friend Monica Mayhem (whose memoir, Absolute Mayhem, was co-written by me). As the band’s lead singer, she’d emailed me missives from the road, detailing their wild and wacky antics, never mind how she didn’t quite get along with the other girls – Layla Labelle on guitar, Tuesday Cross on bass, and Alicia Andrews on drums – the sum total of which make for hilarious viewing. This new version includes “extras” like concert footage, music videos, deleted scenes, and even Alicia’s embarrassingly bad drum audition (one month after learning how to play).

Some scenes, however, were actually deemed too controversial and permanently deleted – like how Tuesday Cross once got rip-roaring drunk and set fire to a Bible and then vomited right outside Treasure Island in Las Vegas. Some of their bitch-slappin’ cat fights are shown intact, however, but that original version included no sex scenes unlike this new movie, in which Layla Labelle wins hands-down a heated argument as to who the “dirtiest porn star is” with a sizzling double-penetration scene and then Tuesday drags a fan backstage to fuck him in the bathroom – missionary, then doggie, against the bathroom sink before dutifully kneeling, letting the dude’s spunk shoot straight onto her pierced tongue and down her waiting throat. (And that’s how this first movie ends, with Layla immediately protesting:  “I’m really jealous! I want the next one!”)

“After spending 39 days on the road with four porn stars, I can work with anyone!” producer Jason Danilak tells me. “The fights stand out the most for me during filming. At one point, Alicia slapped Layla across the face so hard that the entire crew winced. And then the girls had to do a sex scene, so knowing how much they hated each other and then watching them have sex was really hot! Monica also nearly killed Layla one night in a Las Vegas bar owned by Keri Kelly, Alice Cooper’s guitarist, and then there was a naked fight between Tuesday and Layla which lasted more than 30 minutes.”

Interestingly, the band — which essentially no longer exists — actually has two albums coming out soon: an official movie soundtrack in the fall (with Monica’s vocals on live and studio tracks), and then, around this Christmas, a studio album called Life of the Party (with a new singer from Detroit, Kelly Jean). “Monica retired from porn the day we wrapped Tight and she moved back to her native Australia,” Danilak explains, “and we had to replace Alicia with a drum track — because her family found out she was doing porn and nearly disowned her! It is much easier to get along with and hasn’t tried to kill Layla yet.”

And Bree OIson? Well, she’s in the movie’s first sex scene, a three-way (with Monica and lucky stud Eric John). She claims her agent persuaded her to do the movie: “I told him I didn’t have any musical talent but he said it was okay because they wanted me to play the band’s manager. Boss a bunch of hot porn stars around? That, I can do! I had to babysit four porn stars who wanted to murder each other half the time. Being in the adult industry is just about having sex and having fun!”

Oh yes, that she does indeed, stretching her proverbial 15 minutes even when Charlie Sheen’s not around, although he would certainly have approved. After all, the mainstream Tight film won Howard Stern’s “Triple X Factor” contest just before it also won “Best Documentary” at the Humboldt International Film Awards in April 2012. So does this mean this new XXX Tight movie deserves an AVN Awards nomination come this December? Musically, it sure isn’t Led Zeppelin’s Celebration Day but, for the sex alone, it sure gets my vote!