The Accidental Voyeur: Swedish Meatballs

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    My entry into the adult arena was perhaps unusual in that I started as a ghostwriter for a porn star. My professional debut was in 1999 with Penthouse Variations (where I wrote the “Cinema Blue” column until 2002 under the name Drew McKenzie) but that resulted indirectly from the work I’d already been doing with the Swedish porn star Linda Thoren. I had been ghostwriting for her website and we were then nominated for an AVN Internet Award, which got me noticed by the editors at General Media Communications (then the parent company of Penthouse) in New York. That got me going and the rest is history.

    My initial interest in Linda, however, was sparked by the fact that I’d seen her online, selling her own masturbation video. That was in 1997, in the infancy of the Internet, and I wrote her simply to say I admired her audacity. Really, back then who was doing that? You could watch her pleasure herself by simply buying the video directly from her — for a princely US$35, paid by international check, after writing to her address on Karlbergsvagen in Stockholm!

    We became friends and when she asked me to help with her website, since her written English wasn’t perfect, I readily agreed. She was quite diligent with email, and so each month I would ghostwrite her personal “Letter of the Month” to her fans based on our exchanges. This apparently made our site stand out because not many porn star websites were doing that; most focused on photography and paid scant attention to text. And that (as I was later told by someone on the committee), was the main reason we were nominated in the “Best Personal Websites” category for 1999 at the AVN Internet Awards.

    The other nominees were Jenna Jameson, Danni Ashe, Serenity, Lori Michaels, Julia Ann, and Alexandra Silk –- tough competition and, as I’d expected, we didn’t win (Danni Ashe did). I announced the good news anyway in Linda’s voice, in the “Letter from Linda” of January 2000, in which I also gave her fans a preview of her latest movie Pure Sin, directed by her fellow Swede Nic Cramer. It was her ninth film for Sin City, the studio she was contracted with, and she performed with Randy Spears and Alec Metro in the movie’s climactic scene where she plays a high-priced escort who services both men.

    So here’s what I wrote, as Linda Thoren:

    On the last day of shooting, we did that big scene where I got to fuck both Alec and Randy. I remember wearing a short (and I mean very short) black skirt, which I lifted slowly when Randy asked me to show him my ass. Then, after he got turned on, I got between his knees, took his cock out and sucked him.

    “Bring Alec in for some chassis work,” I heard Nic saying, and the next thing I know Alec is rubbing his hands all over my body and playing with my ass. Pretty soon, I’ve got both their cocks in my mouth and I’m sucking them in rotation. And then Randy gets up and he fucks me from behind. I’m still blowing Alec and I can also feel Randy’s hard cock inside me, and I take Alec’s cock out of my mouth only long enough to gasp and pant and scream: “Fuck my pussy. Hard!”

    This apparently gave Randy an idea, and he said: “Tell me in fuckin’ Swedish.” And I replied: “Min mamma lagar de godaste kottbullarna i landet.” Nic laughed. He totally cracked up. The Americans, of course, didn’t understand it, and so he translated what I’d just said: “My mother makes the best meatballs in Sweden.”

    Well, I guess that bit of comic relief somehow inspired my partners, because Randy and Alec really went to town with me after that. Wow, they took turns fucking me till my pussy was raw and blue! Finally, Nic called for some sperm action, and I knelt between the two of them and massaged their balls while they both masturbated. Finally, Randy popped and then Alec, and I caught it all over my face and on my breasts. It was great, because they both came in huge gushes. I love it when that happens. I felt some of it hanging in strings off my chin and I used my tongue to catch the last drops off each of their cocks. Yum, I love the taste of sperm, the only thing better than the taste of my mother’s meatballs!

    Interestingly, someone at the studio must have read that, because some months later after Linda announced her retirement, Sin City released her last official movie in April 2000 as Linda Thoren’s Gang Bang, with the clever slogan: “Swedish Meatball.” I was pleased about that. Linda and I shared that kind of sardonic wit and we had such fun back in the days when online porn wasn’t so easily available, when we could experiment and really push the envelope. And I still miss that giddy sense of pioneering adventure.