I was recruited in to porn after spending a few years working as a glamour and erotic model in Manhattan. I was trying to save up money to travel to Europe when I started modeling, thinking it would just be an interesting story to tell my friends later.
I ended up having a career rather quickly and soon enough porn came knocking on the door…BUT I CONSIDERED MYSELF AN ARTIST! And the idea of doing porn hadn’t appealed to me because I didn’t see myself saying or doing anything in the medium of adult that would be particularly satisfying to me.
Then I was approached by Nica Noelle, or well, a mutual friend introduced us to each other over a social network and the sparks flew.
When I was introduced to Nica Noelle’s work, I think I had the same reaction most people do; I was bowled over. I didn’t realize that people were making thoughtful, interesting porn that tried to appeal to more than just the prurient interests of its consumer base.
Long story short, I agreed to be in a feature she wrote around me. The film was called My Sister Celine and I still think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.
My first scene was with Dylan Ryan, a member of the queer porn mafia out of San Francisco. I knew of Dylan through social networking and because we’d been involved in some of the same sex positive charities.
I was relieved to be paired with someone that I –kind of- knew.
The day of the scene I was nervous. I just kept thinking that I didn’t know anything about how to open up during sex, if I was supposed to fake an orgasm or try to have a real one… All the same, I like to try to act like a total bad-ass, so I wasn’t letting on to anyone that I was so worried about somehow “doing it wrong” that I hadn’t slept a wink the night before.
To add to my anxiety, it was an especially long day on set. I’d never been in any kind of movie before, so I was totally unprepared for how long the days could be, especially on a feature. It left me with hours and hours to stew over my upcoming deflowering.
I sat there for a minute trying to play back in my mind every time I’d had sex. I suddenly felt like the sex I was having in my private life wasn’t very adventurous or exciting because I couldn’t think of anything I didn’t like. I tried to imagine what sex acts I might not like, and even my imagination was limited.
“Fisting,” I finally said, “I don’t like to be fisted. I mean, I’ve never been fisted before, but I don’t think that I want to try today or anything.”
She understood what I didn’t, that fisting in any porn meant for a DVD release was generally a “no-no” (I was naïve, but not too naïve to know what fisting was, so yeah.)
In what I thought was a stroke of genius, I told her that she could choke or slap me. I thought that would make me seem like a real “go-getter,” to anyone watching. Also, I hoped it might distract me from my nagging anxiety about the cameras and knowing how to open up. Man I really couldn’t stop thinking about that.
The minute the scene started, all of that was out of the window. I don’t remember much about what we said or did in the scene. What I remember is making love to Dylan Ryan. I remember thinking, “this is just like regular sex,” and I was off. She tasted metallic and when she touched me I was exhilarated, but that is as much as I can remember. We were so hot and sweaty that we were slipping off of each other’s bodies and off of the bed.
Later Dylan told me that she was going to try to dominate me, but that once the scene started, I turned out to be such a romantic, she was more inspired to just be passionate. And it’s true, I am a romantic, and I do much better with intensity and passion than over the top pain-for-pleasure antics.
When the scene was over, I remember feeling ambivalent. I was excited and a little intimidated by how much I liked it. I was on a high. I knew that I wanted to keep making porn, which meant that my life was going to take a very different course than I could have ever imagined.
I ended up being Nica Noelle’s exclusive girl for nearly year, following her from Sweetheart Video to Girl Candy Films, starring in my own series of movies, Lesbian Guidance Counselor 1-3, which is very rare for a girl-on-girl-only performer. In July it will be two years since I filmed my first scene, and since then I’ve been in over 30 movies, performed in nearly 50 scenes, and I’ve just directed my first movie for Filly Films, Sovereign Syre’s Lesbian Surrender.
I’d say that so far it’s been an amazing ride.