Who doesn’t love a big blockbuster movie? They so exciting and shiny and expensive! On that note, who doesn’t love porn? Beautiful people with elaborate costumes, getting all wet and breathing heavy together…

How about hardcore penetration with exciting action sequences, drama, suspense, intense story and clever dialogue?

If you think about it, blockbuster movies and adult films have more in common than one would initially think. (At least, there’s always a gratuitous showing of something or another!)

Who doesn’t love a porn feature? Jon from Texas loves porn features. He says that having a story gives the scene a context, and when the directors and writers don’t give a story, he invents one for himself.

“With a regular porn scene, it’s got no frame,” he says. “The movie having a story is much more guiding. You don’t end up inventing the frame around the scene. You just plug yourself into it.”

(Though, admittedly, Jon wonders if he’s the only one who creates plot around the porn he enjoys.)

“I think they should make more features,” he says. “There are so many stories I would love to see made into feature porn movies!”

Interested in enjoying the full pornographic, cinematic experiences, but not sure how to tell the difference between the good stuff from the horrid? Gamelink.com has a great list of the 25 must-have porn features, listing genres as varied from action adventure, murder mystery, romance, to high fantasy.

“These films really suck you in,” say the sexy cats at Gamelink.com, “and once the action starts you’ll have a hard time tearing yourself away.”

Or at least, if it’s done well enough, something will be hard.

So, if people in general seem to like feature length big budget adult films, why aren’t more of them produced?

Last February, AskMen.com released a great list of the top ten biggest budget adult films, counting down to the most expensive. All of these were feature length films, because common sense says the longer and more elaborate the film, the more expensive it will be. There is a huge difference between filming a collection of five 20 minute scenes in one studio over the span of two days verses editing hours and hours of sex, plot, dialogue and special effects.

Simply put, the more effort put into something, the more expensive it will be.

That said, there is something beautiful, simple and pure about having a girl, a boy, and a toy in a dark studio for 30 minutes and filming what happens. But these sort of scenes are sexy, which is a different type of excitement. A three hour full length science fiction spectacular event is exciting in a completely different meaning of the word.

Traditionally, sex flicks had to be seen in theaters. Because of this, directors paid more attention to quality and story (granted, this was circa 1975 quality and story). After all, just watching plain ol’ sex wasn’t usually worth the trouble of leaving one’s home and venturing out into the wide open world. They had to create films that people wanted to go to see. With the popularity of at home videos, however, films began to die out. People could have porn shipped directly to their doors, or even rent from a plethora of options.

(As a kid, I always did wonder what was behind the beaded curtain at the video store.)

Enter the internet, and the face of the adult industry changed forever with a huge wide multi-verse of perverted and delicious options. (Talk about the good, the bad and the ugly!)

The adult industry has a lot of money. Despite the recent downturns of the economy, porn is still making a lot of money. Rather than making money through one big picture event, however, production companies and studios make so much money because they produce dozens of smaller, lower quality films.

Again, filming two guys and a girl in some dude’s living room is not really Hollywood blockbuster quality. Money is made and people are paid, but not to the extent of a feature length adult film to the likes of, let’s just say, Pirates.

Ah, Digital Playground and Adam and Eve’s adult pornographic hit of 2005, Pirates. A feature spoof from the endlessly popular Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Adam and Eve took something good and sexy and made it awesome and sexier.

When it comes to adult films, many see Pirates as breaking the mould. It wasn’t a 70s or 80s cheesetastic porno flick. It was a blockbuster in the spirit of the big budget Hollywood Blockbuster. The first Pirates had a budget of one million dollars. That’s one million porn dollars, where most films are produced for a fraction of that amount.

And that’s not even mentioning the 2008 sequel, Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenue, which cost even more than the original.

Not only were the Pirates movies more expensive than other adult films, but they featured and released original motion picture soundtracks and milder, rated R edited versions.

And who can forget 1979’s Caligula, the tale of the wayward and decadent (bat-shit crazy) Roman emperor. Co-financed by Penthouse, Caligula was a strange hybrid of independent historical film and hard core, gut wrenching pornography. Probably the most well-known (and infamous) adult film ever made, it is also the most expensive.

Building from the tradition of Caligula and remembering Pirates, feature length adult films seem to be gaining momentum. This year saw the release of Adam and Eve’s post apocalyptic masterpiece, 8^th Day, as well as Wicked’s robot-fembot-replicant love story 2040.

Smaller studios like Girlfriends Films and Sweetheart Video have been paying attention to storylines. These lovely lesbian productions present either a collection of small vignettes loosely tied to an overlying theme (Women Seeking Women), or serial installments continuing an episodic storyline (Road Queen).

Some associate storylines with “couples’ porn” which can have the tendency to have a dragging plot, boring dialogue, and overly dramatic acting. While sex doesn’t always have to be an intense double dong gang-bang, it doesn’t necessarily need to be sickeningly saccharine sweet, either. It should be something for everyone to enjoy, and the modern face of the adult film feature is a great way to experience adult entertainment for the very first time, or to share your porn habits with someone you love.

Modern adult features are the gifts that keep on giving. Pornographic actors and actresses seem to enjoy making them, studios make a lot of money releasing them, and the public loves watching them. Though the acting may not be Oscar award winning, it’s usually better than the typical “is that a sausage in your pizza box or are you just happy to see me and my lesbian co-ed roommate?”

Most of all, they’re pretty. The stories are pretty and engaging, directors pay attention to sets, costumes and other details, and the talent – oh, the talent! In this wonderful world of adult film features, the men are as pretty or talented as the women usually are – and they’re likeable, too!

The Adult Video News (AVN) Awards reward studio’s hard work with plenty of awards each year, and the features are usually a highlight. It’s no secret that 8^th Day and 2040 are both fierce contenders for this year’s honor.

So, pop some popcorn, take out the lube, find your favorite snuggle buddy and pop in a DVD or a toy or two. Finally, enjoy some hard core lights, camera and most of all, action.

Sources:

http://www.gamelink.com/naked_truth.jhtml?id=musthave_features
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-big-budget-porns.html
http://www.overthinkingit.com/2009/03/26/the-adult-film-industry-rediscovers-its-balls/
http://thefastertimes.com/sexanddating/2009/07/22/porn-should-have-a-plot/
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/08/business/media/08porn.html?_r=3&scp=1&sq=pornography&st=cse

Scene 1: April O’Neil and Magdalene St. Michaels

After crossing an old rope bridge and finding themselves in a charming desert cottage, April and Magdalene enjoy some local wine and organic bread, courtesy of the local hippie, India Summer. As they break bread together, Magdalene explains that she’s looking for her step-daughter, Nikki (Rhodes?), who had run away to be a hitchhiking lesbian. Word is that the southwestern town of Pleasantville attracts a lot of lesbians, and Magdalene wonders if perhaps April had seen the girl? April’s response is a bit wishy-washy, so rather than waste any more time, Magdalene excuses herself into the bedroom to rest before she continues her search. This part of the scene takes a bit too long to establish, and the audio is distracted by an eager horse whinnying in the background.

April follows Magdalene into the bedroom, and after teasing her about her fancy boots, April makes a move on the worried step-mother. They kiss so slowly, then undress one another. Both women have really spectacular breasts, and they take their time exploring one another’s assets.

There’s something natural and beautiful about watching two women making out, dressed comfortably in jeans. April goes down on Magdalene, and they switch places as Magdalene grips April’s breast and kisses up and down her body. Finally she settles on some delicious fingering while nibbling on April’s nipple. This is a really pretty scene and April O’Neil and Magdalene St. Michaels fit together so naturally.

Scene 2: India Summer and Dia Zerva

Hippie Goddess India Summer pays a visit to biker bitch and local gas station owner, Dia Zerva. Poor India gets stuck in the rain, and Dia, the perfect hostess, invites the other woman to stay over. They flirt a bit, then quickly decide to skip the forced banter and jump to the goodies and start kissing. India is quick to unzip Dia’s vest and start licking her nipples. India isn’t wearing either a bra or panties, giving Dia easy access to her snatch. They undress, then India takes her turn at Dia. It’s obvious both women had fun with this scene, and the camera has some really wonderful close-ups of their kissing. Sprawled across the sofa, they finger and grind one another in awkward, interesting positions, including one moment when Dia is arched over the back of the sofa, being held up by India’s strong legs.

They grind some more, and while they are kissing, two shocked and perhaps slightly aroused girls walk into the room. Tara Lynn Foxx and Holly West are having car problems and they need a tow truck. Dia, however, is occupied with India, and explains that the tow truck won’t be any help in the rain, anyway, so why don’t the girls stay over in her spare bedroom? The girls accept and quickly disappear, and India and Dia joke about seducing the two younger girls. Meanwhile, Tara and Holly spy on the lovers through the crack in the bedroom door…

Scene 3: Tara Lynn Foxx and Holly West

Stranded in Dia’s house because of the desert monsoon, Tara and Holly try to decide how to pass the time. Thinking of the women in the other room, Tara seductively crawls over to Holly and suggests that they “give it a try.” She leans in for a kiss, and the sex quickly gets underway. Holly likes the way Tara feels, so they keep kissing.

The brunette pulls down Tara’s top and licks her boobs, then invites Tara to do the same to her. Tara then grinds on Holly’s leg while rubbing her, then she decides to see how her friend tastes through her panties. They get naked after Tara is done playing with Holly, Holly takes her turn with Tara. Though the scene starts with Tara Lynn Foxx totally in charge, Holly West gets more and more turned on, and decides to have her way with the cute blonde.

Scene 4: Deauxma and India Summer

India Summer is featured in a second scene as she goes to visit the infamous Deauxma, the star of Road Queen and a traveling lesbian in a vintage car who is passing through Pleasantville, Southwest. Deauxma observes that there aren’t too many men around, but there seems to be a lot of pretty girls who like to have fun together. She wonders if India will show her just exactly what type of fun the women of Pleasantville have together, and perhaps initiate her into the local customs.

They go into the bedroom, and Deauxma reveals her gigantic boobs. India strips the older woman, running the pretty white daisy over her skin as she kisses up and down her body. She then goes down on the former stripper, then they kiss. India lets Deauxma finger her, then India crawls on Deauxma’s face to be eaten out some more. After more kissing, they enjoy some fingering, letting us see the sweat glisten off of Deauxma’s thick thigh. Deauxma and India Summer conclude the scene with some satisfying bump and grinding.

Extras:

While Girlfriends Films doesn’t usually include too many extras, Road Queen 11 includes the usual film photo gallery, trailers, promos and a link to the Girlfriends Film website. Promos include a clip for the AVN Awards, as well as series promos for Lesbian Seductions, Imperfect Angels, Women Seeking Women and Lesbian Triangle. Also included are trailers for Twisted Passions, Field of Schemes 2, Imperfect Angels 5, Mother/Daughter Exchange Club 5, Backstage Girls and Women Seeking Women 50.

Final Thoughts and Rating:

Road Queen part 11was a great compromise between straight up sex and plotted story lines. The story of Deauxma and all of her adventures and lovers is a great backdrop to have many vignettes, but doesn’t necessarily facilitate an in-depth analysis (like some other titles from Girlfriends Films.) One thing I loved most about Road Queen part 11 was all of the women – so many flavors! Most of all, all of the scenes are fun, casual, sexy and arousing. Road Queen part 11 gets a solid 4.5 out of five stars!

Scene 1: Prinzzess and Renee Perez

Dressed as a lovely bride and groom, blonde Prinzzess and brunette Renee read wedding vows to one another from a large book. After their mock ceremony, they share a romantic, sexy kiss. They excuse themselves to the bridal chamber to consummate their vows to one another. Prinzzess is lovely and feminine in her bridal gown, and she takes her time removing Renee’s cute tuxedo. They spend a long time grinding and fingering, then move onto eating out and tribbing. Prinzzess and Renee Perez are so totally natural and sexy together, making this scene a true pleasure to enjoy!

Scene 2: Faye Regan and Georgia Jones

India Summer interviews Faye and Georgia about their off-camera relationship, discussing how the girls met, their experiences with other women, gender roles in their relationship, and most of all, their own personal sex lives. Faye and Georgia are “married for the day”, then run off to enjoy the closest thing they can have to a honeymoon at this time. The girls address the camera, explaining that most fans of Girlfriends Films don’t enjoy scenes with toys, but since they use toys in their bedroom, and since it’s their day, they were going to do things their own way.

Faye showers her lover with kisses, and Georgia can’t get enough of Faye’s breasts. Georgia eats Faye out for a bit, then sits on Faye’s face after the ginger girl pays ample attention to Georgia’s tiny, lovely nipples. The two brides for the day enjoy endless kisses, then Georgia sucks on Faye’s toys while fingering the other girl. They enjoy some close embraces, then out comes the toys, including two little vibrators. When they’ve had enough fun, then rub together, gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes. This scene is fresh and beautiful as both girls make love rather than putting on a performance. The sex is as hot as two girls hooking up can be, but also shows how arousing love can really be.

Scene 3: Zoe Britton and Nikki Rhodes

In the second relationship interview, Zoe and Nikki tell India about the dynamics of their relationship. Tom-boyish Nikki and girlie Zoe explain how, though they’re both porn stars, they keep their work separate from real life. Unable to get married despite their desires, India performs a mock ceremony for the two lovely, in-love ladies.

Zoe and Nikki enjoy long, passionate gazes with lots of kissing and gentle stroking. It’s great to see Nikki’s spectacular tattoo as she undresses, and as the clothes come off the excitement intensifies. Contrasting Nikki’s pale skin to Zoe’s healthy tan, the girls thrust against one another, then enjoy some fingering and eating out. While Nikki may wear the pants in the relationship, she is all woman as Zoe gets her on her knees. Nikki’s butt has the most amazing jiggle, and Zoe flushes a lovely shade of red as she gets more and more aroused. After 69ing and more fingering, they enjoy long and loving kisses and cuddling.

Scene 4: Dana Dearmond and Bobbi Starr

Long, leggy Dana cuddles on the sofa with Bobbi, enjoying a quiet morning that soon turns into an adorable wedding proposal. Dana accepts Bobbi’s offer, then Bobbi takes her bride-to-be into the elaborately decorated bedroom, complete with flowers and candles. They toast to their love, then Dana eagerly showers Bobbi with love and kisses. Bobbi strokes Dana’s body with a sensual, velvety red rose, and it looks like Dana can’t control herself as her lover tries to take it nice and slow. The girls enjoy plenty of fingering and playing with one another’s boobs, then Bobbi finally goes down on eager-beaver Dana. Soon both girls are slippery with love and sweat. Dana bends herself into countless strange positions, including one where her knees are up to her ears. Bobbi star is so sweet and sexy as she folds into her own ecstasy. This scene has so much energy from both girls, especially as they 69. Finally, they have exhausted one another, and finish off by rubbing one another, sitting side by side.

Extras:

Two of the scenes begin with Girlfriends star India Summer interviewing the real-life couples. The interviews are short and concise, but give plenty of titillating information about the stars and their relationships.

Other bonus features include a film photo gallery, trailers for six popular Girlfriends titles, studio promos, and a link to the Lesbian Bridal Stories website. While these features aren’t really anything spectacular, they are a useful way to learn more about what Girlfriends Films is all about – “simply the most realistic sex in lesbian adult video.”

Final Thoughts and Rating:

Haven reviewed the third Lesbian Bridal Stories, volume four was a pleasant and fresh surprise. It’s just a teensy-tiny bit political, complete with all the right amounts of sweet and sexy. It’s reassuring to know that Girlfriends Films, a company selling lesbian sex, isn’t ignoring the politics of being gay. Rather than presenting vignettes about wedding dresses and garter belts, this is a great collection of sexy love stories that also reminds us that while love knows no boundaries, unfortunately sometimes laws do.

The interviews with India Summer were engaging and interesting, and all four sex scenes were sincere and sexy. Lesbian Bridal Stories from Girlfriends Films gets 4 out of 5 stars!

It’s just a natural progression, if you think about it. People always seem to be complaining about how there’s so much sex in the media. Porn parodies just make the sex the focus rather than the naughty little thing everyone is talking about but never gets to see.

Typically, the porn parody seemed to be less about actual scrumping and more about funny or novel situations that happened to also be sexy.

Do you like scary movies? How about skanky horror like Night of the Giving Head? More into the classics? What about a slutty classic like Lawrence of a Labia? Do you enjoy action packed space movies with aliens? How about sex packed space movies with aliens like Men in Black Men?

Even if you like long artistic dramas with lots of poetry and reflection, you can always settle down to a quiet evening with Schindler’s Fist.

Yes, indeed. There is something for everyone in the wide world of the porn parody. It seems like all one needs to do is take a popular title and change a few nouns into sexy nouns. Is no genre safe?

A quick Google search gives great databases of porn parodies, including the good, the bad, and plenty of the ugly. (And believe me, some of these are very ugly.) Subgenius.com is just one place that offers a comprehensive list of what they consider to be the greatest porn parodies of all time.

While Lord of the G Strings and Edward Penis Hands are fun, they aren’t always the sexiest. But a recent (and popular) trend in the adult industry has been redefining (and banking on) the porn parody in ways unheard of.

This new trend in porn parodies has become so popular that even Newsweek ran a feature interview with director Will Ryder, discussing this new “gold rush in porn.”

What’s old is new, and the adult industry has uncovered the Holy Grail of taking old television sitcom favorites and remaking them – with sex! With titles like Not Three’s a Company, Scrubs – a XXX Parody, Not the Cosbys, and especially, Not the Bradys (the third of which is scheduled to be released this October), the industry is heralding a new formula of sexy success.

Ryder insisted to Newsweek that the new parodies were more like sitcoms as opposed to traditional porno. “We’re entertainers,” he said. “Not pornographers”

Paying attention to vital details such as accurate and familiar sets, dialogue and camera angles, combined with engaging story and the inclusion of favorite and memorable characters, the adult industry has created films that people want to watch not just for sex, but because they really are interested in seeing the story unfold.

The most recent porn parodies are more than just goofy rip-off titles with dirty words, but stories that stay true to the feel of the original shows we all know and love.

Jon from Texas, a connoisseur of gay porn, says parodies are one of his favorite things to see when watching porn.

One of his favorites is The Hole, a soft core gay parody of the horror franchise from Japan, Ringu.

Even being soft core, Jon says knowing the original story with a sexy twist makes The Hole one of the most watched DVDs in his collection. (And Jon has quite a collection.)

“It’s cheesy as hell,” he says, “and they don’t show penetration, but it’s funny and I consider it one of the hottest DVDs I own.”

Funny and hot seems to be the magic formula of making a successful porn parody, but one can’t help but wonder what’s next?

These days, reality television is more popular sitcoms. Does that mean in a few years we’ll be seeing fun gonzo titles such as Dirty Big Brother, Who Wants to Fuck a Millionaire?, Sleeping with the [Porn] Stars or even  Not American Idol?

Sources
blog.newsweek.com
www.encyclopediadramatica.com
www.subgenius.com

Reviews of Porn Parodies on AIP
Scrubs – a XXX Parody
Not Three’s a Company
The Office – a XXX Parody
Desperate Housewhores
Not the Bradys – XXX
Not the Bradys – XXX (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!)
Who’se Nailin’ Palin?
Not Bewitched – XXX
This- Ain’t the Munster – XXX

While the world devotes billions of dollars to the porn industry every year, some people get their kicks protesting rather than perusing. Who can hate porn so much, and why, when so many of us love it?

Shelley Lubben is famous (or infamous) first for her involvement in the adult industry, and later for her protest against everyone’s favorite pastime. Prostitution, abuse, drugs, alcohol, attempted suicide – poor Shelley has confronted it all, and “from the grace of God” she managed to survive, though she’s now kicking and screaming against the industry as a whole.

According to her website, Shelley went to church and watched a lot of television as a child. She was sexually active earlier than most, and was also sexually abused. Perhaps it’s because of this that Shelley admittedly confused sex with love most of her life. Combined with a strained relationship with her parents and an affair with drugs and alcohol, it seems as if life gave Shelley all the wrong paths that lead her to the worst of all possible outcomes.

Sex is natural and beautiful, and it’s a tragedy when this gift is violated. Where others blossom and shine in their sexuality, others are confronted with manipulation and pain. But just because some people have bad experiences (and yes, the adult industry, like any work force, can be a scary place) it doesn’t mean that Shelley’s story is every girl (or boy’s!) story. Not every adult actor or actress is a drug addict or an alcoholic. They aren’t all prostitutes and I’m sure some of them were loved very much as children.

Shelley herself admits that she was “pretty incapable of making rational decisions.” Forced into a corner to take drugs and alcohol to tolerate hardcore scenes, what about the girls who are capable of making rational decisions? What about the ones who actually really like sex and performing? What about the ones who have the option to do the rougher stuff but make the informed decision against it?

Combined with “Bipolar Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder, Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, all tragic mental illnesses that would affect anyone’s cognitive and decision making abilities, it’s obvious that Shelley suffered through a personal hell and it’s a great triumph of human will that she was able to overcome her demons. And yet, these conditions are not the norm of the adult industry. It’s unfortunate that some people are handed a rotten piece of fruit and they find themselves in scary and dangerous situations, but the whole industry is not to be blamed for the dreadful experiences of only a people.

When it comes to any other job or profession, one must be capable of making rational decisions. That’s what being a functioning human being is all about. Why should porn be any different? It’s the adult entertainment industry because, come on, we’re all adults here. Sure, alcoholism and drugs exist, and that’s a tragedy, but alcoholism and drug abuse exist everywhere, on all walks of life, in every profession.

Where is the Coalition Against Poor and Uneducated Fast Food Workers? Where is the Organization Against Overworked Doctors? Where is the Group of Underpaid and Overworked School Teachers?

STDs and HIV just aren’t a high risk among porn actors and actresses. Anyone who has sex ever is at risk. And while the industry doesn’t enforce condom usage, it’s our responsibility as consumers to demand safe sexual practices in our adult entertainment.

Some companies produce beautiful pieces of erotic art and even include disclaimers before the sex even begins. NinnWorx_SR includes their own public relations statement in every film they produce. “We hope that you find the following feature an enjoyable stimulation to your adult practice of safe sex.”

After all, safe, sane and consensual sex among mature adults is really, really hot.

Avert.org (Averting HIV and AIDS) reports from the CDC that male-to-male sexual contact is still one of the riskiest ways to contract HIV in the United States, with high-risk heterosexual behavior and intravenous drug use almost half as risky, and only a few points away from one another.

Let’s be honest. Porn stars aren’t the only ones who engage in high-risk sexual behaviors, and they certainly aren’t using all of the US’s intravenous drugs. Shelley reports from Aim-Med that 7% of all porn stars are HIV positive, and while any percent is too much of a percent, it doesn’t mean that everyone involved in the adult industry is infected with HIV, or every other STD for that matter.

Of course being in porn is risky! Any sexual act is risky! But these people aren’t stupid. It’s industry standard to undergo a complete STD testing regiment every month, and any director who is worth their weight in gold won’t dare violate that rule.

I’d have to completely agree with Shelley, however, when she says “get informed!”

Of course! Get informed right now! Reasonable adults make reasonable decisions, and come on, we owe it to ourselves to be informed. If porn makes you uncomfortable, don’t watch it. If you’re in a situation that you know deep down is bad for you, then please respect yourself enough to get out of it. If you like porn and it’s not hurting your life, then please, partake. Know yourself, know your comfort level, and know your limits.

Porn isn’t perfect. It can be sleazy and scary, but don’t let a few shady jerks ruin it for the rest of us. Inform yourself over the risks and dangers of the adult industry, and encourage your favorite studios, directors and stars to engage in safe, sane and consensual behavior. Sure, condoms might not be the most sexy, but you know what’s totally sexy? Not having an STD.

Remind yourself that these men and women are real people. They may be playing out your favorite schoolgirl flogging fantasy, but they’re human beings, and do you really want to see a fellow human being sick and unhappy? Or do you want to see them in next month’s installment of School Girl Flogging Fantasies, smiling and healthy, enjoying the decisions they made and the industry that helps support them?

Sources:

http://www.aim-med.org/

http://www.avert.org

http://www.cdc.gov

http://www.shelleylubben.com/