I have been asked about my personal life, and the problems that often arise when guys aren’t attuned to my unique situation. As you can imagine, I’ve been through many scenarios where some guys don’t know — they go on a date with me and at some point I have to tell them, and that’s when I usually get disappointed.
I’m a human being and I’m no different than anyone else, so it’s really sad when some people feel they have to judge me. I identify as a straight woman, not as transgender which is more of a label that causes so much confusion, especially with those who are also cross-dressers. People might look at me and ask: “Are you a man? Do you wear a wig?”
I would rather just say: “I am a girl with something extra.” That’s how I label myself. I identify as a straight woman. Just keep it simple, you know. I want people to respect me as a woman. Not as a transgender, which would lead them to see me as a sex toy or sex fetish or a fantasy. They don’t see transgendered women as human and treat them more like objects. But why would I label myself as an object, you know?
Being transsexual, however, is slightly different. Transgender is an umbrella term, so it doesn’t define you, whereas to be transsexual you have to look the part. There are guys who identify as women and so they’re labeled as transgender. But being transsexual, I feel, applies to those who have undergone the physical appearance — looking and dressing the part, having the boobs or having the long hair, identifying as the gender they want to be. Defined in those terms, I would say I am definitely transsexual. I actually do something with my sexuality and, moreover, I also use it in a professional context.
However, this is where it gets complicated. It begs the question of why not go post-op — why don’t I go all the way and get the operation to transform myself fully? And my answer to that would be: “It’s easier said than done.” Everyone wishes for that, but there are two compelling reasons against it: Firstly, it costs a lot of money, and secondly (and more importantly) there is no guarantee of functionality.
So it’s a mental decision, and a hard one. For what reason would I want to get the surgery? Is it for myself, or is it because I want to conform to society? Do I need it to get approval from others, so that I can be respected as a woman? I aim to get the full surgery one day, but I don’t know when and I don’t know why. I certainly don’t want to do that right now.
I admit I have this mental conflict. Because, in order to get the point out there, to be heard and be understood, means having a vagina. Because no matter what I say to educate people, they usually don’t get the point simply because I still have my cock.
So it’s something to meditate about, something to continually process. I want transgendered people to be relatable, to be treated as human beings and not as mere objects. If we are all honest with ourselves, we are all still transitioning, adapting, dealing with our insecurities and learning new things about ourselves. I’m walking this road less taken because it’s what I have personally chosen. Despite the difficulties, I wouldn’t want it any other way.