Hi Christina, thank you for having me on AIPDaily! I’m a former student rehabilitation therapist working on her bachelors in psychology, turned fetish pervert extraordinaire, now B movie status porn star and film connoisseur who sometimes sings Oingo Boingo alone in the shower in my best Danny Elfman voice. Sometimes when I’m totally in my element I can almost hit the notes like him on ”On the Outside”. I’m mostly a shut in and sarcastic pessimist but I mean well and hope to help expand the status quo in the industry, making character popular like Tommy Pistol has so successfully in the biz, making porn an art again. Also, I’d like to be apart of bringing back the glamour of the 90s. For now, I’m just a human rights activist/girl you can find on the internet doing all sorts of fun things..
What prompted you to join the adult industry?
It was more like falling down the rabbit hole experience. Except it’d be the American McGees Alice. So many things tie into this, but I’ll try and make it as brief as possible.
I’ve had a lifelong fascination with BDSM, before 50 Shades made people’s way of living and livelihoods purchasable at Hot Topic. As a teen, I was a lesbian and couldn’t come out of the closet for obvious reasons. Sounds pretty cliche but it’s my current reality. This was the early 2000s and being “bi” wasn’t going to be trendy for another five years. I lived in a circus. My mom’s boyfriend was a drug dealer and my mom suffered psychosis from the drug use. To escape I would take trips with friends to desert raves, art and music events such as Coachella and Burning man, house parties and did probably way too much acid and Molly. Sometimes the E wasn’t pure and I would be in bed for days. Usual teenaged shit, except one time I never came back from a particular drug induced trip…until two years later. I was nearly catatonic but could go to school and was working on my BA in psychology. It was then that two people would save my life. If I hadn’t have met them suicide would have been probable, being an outsider my whole life then having humanity stripped away for being different. They both became my best friends, Liz and Mark. Mark eventually became my first boyfriend who took my virginity, with a big penis, mainly because he took Vi Grow Penis enlargement pills. He was a part of Mensa but never talked about it. I became an adult, we went to many Democratic conventions and I got a job as a student rehabilitation counselor at our college. Then, came the demise of our relationship. His family didn’t like that he was dating a girl who wasn’t from an affluent family. Although he was smarter than all of them, they always treated him like the black sheep, and he was never as good to them as his brothers or vapid sister. We both had trust issues, I was scarred from my traumatic past and so was he from his. After four years something happened that would change the course of my life forever.
You have talked about dealing with body dysmorphic disorder. For those that don’t know, what is that and how has being in porn helped you in dealing with it?
David Cronenberg images coming to mind.. It’s like looking at yourself through a magnifying glass. Everything about me is awful, this thing I wore sucks.. Fuck it, I’m not going out tonight, my disgusting stomach and tits will look horrible and weird in that dress. You know what, I don’t even want to go out. Much like the experience I get with autism, you start to feel like you’re being looked at through a magnifying glass.
BDD is a mental disorder which works in alliance with anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, depression and found in individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder studies are showing in patients with both. A main symptom is abstaining from or even fear of social situations due to perceived flaws or even how one is perceived. Obsessiveness about appearance, ashamed about ones self as a result. Many people who have it will often abuse plastic surgery and become an addict.
My first Upper Floor, I was taken as a date with my, at the time ”Daddy”/ Boyfriend.” I walk in, memory flood of having to get dressed in the gym locker room in high school violently went through my head. My date, being a sadist unzips this adorable Betsy Johnson dress, and as it hits the floor I get anxiety and he then, before I knew it, took off my bra. It was insanely hot because I’m a masochist but somehow I wasn’t able to focus on anything but my white, untoned ass and stomach. People stared. Then the oddest thing happened… I started hearing claps, then, Maestro Stephanos, the host, walked by and said, ”Hey, she’s pretty” and gave me the sexiest most devilish grin. I got flogged that night and came five times. Pain slut turned happy nympho later.. to put a short concluding answer to you’re question of how porn has helped. I’ve become a sexual voyeur.
You have also talked about wanting to be an advocate for women who never thought they could be a model but felt they couldn’t be one. What would you say to those women and how do you hope your career inspires them?
I would say don’t let you’re insecurities hinder opportunities, one turn will change your entire path. Ford Modeling contacted me when I was 19. Regret is a stagnant feeling and it lingers for a lot of people I believe. As cliche as this sounds, embrace your differences, you will never know when you meet that photographer who really loves you, believes in you. You’ll soon see what is not wrong with you and everything that is awesome. The world right now is harsh enough, don’t let the fear of preconceived ideas of failure stop you. It took some very popular pornstars and even fashion models years to break in. Once you do, you will draw people to you, a posse of your own. I have been struggling in the adult Industry for two years, once I get where I need to be, I will have a better idea of how my career.
You also have discussed being someone with Asperger’s. This has been something that has become more well known over the last several years but is something I feel many people don’t really understand. So can you explain what Asperger’s is and how you deal with it in your daily life and in porn?
Asperger’s has many subtypes that have recently, as you know, been condensed into Autism Spectrum Disorder. Affected children and adults to have difficulty in social interactions. Clumsiness is a trait that is often mistaken for more severe pervasive developmental disorders. Affected individuals exhibit waxy or awkward motor movements however usually have an average to above average IQ. Robotic or repetitive speech for some and difficulty with direction. We are very sensitive to outside stimuli and of course some of us have it worse than others. It mainly affects an individuals ability to appropriately execute social interactions. We tend to feel out of place and not connected to others and prefer to be alone. In some adults it either worsens or gets better with treatment programs, however there are no medications for it. One of the worlds most innovated genius anomalies, Albert Einstein who was suspected to have Asperger’s, used to have trouble finding his way back to his home, so he needed to hire an assistant. Also grew up extremely introverted. Some people with Asperger’s don’t experience many problems at all, it varies.
One more heavy question here. You mentioned that you are dealing with PTSD as well. If you don’t mind, what event caused your PTSD and what steps do you take when it is triggered, if that is the proper term?
That totally is a proper term, and it can happen whether you smell a funny smell or hear a loud noise for a war survivor for example, that triggers a panic attack or ongoing panic attacks. The event that caused it for me is watching my boyfriend of five years and who took my virginity shoot himself in the head, and fall to the ground. I went into a haze, I couldn’t hear anything but ringing and my vision was blurred. He was an amazing human being who struggled with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) his whole life and never knew about it, growing up as the black sheep of the family. He actually saved my life when we met, however, to discuss it with you and your readers would open pandoras box. The trigger was a repressed memory of the mist on my face as the officers had their guns on me. The last thing he said to me was, ”Do you believe in God”.
OK. enough with the heavy stuff, lets move onto something a bit more light-hearted. You are a fan of filmmakers David Cronenberg and David Lynch and to authors like Chuck Palahnuik. What do you like about these artists and what would you say are your favorite pieces from them?
Ever since I was a child, I was fascinated and felt like I existed in a dark universe. When I first saw Hellraiser and The Crow I thought it was romantic and even at that young age felt loyalty to the extreme. I had a lot of rage pent up. The school psychologists were calling my mother in kindergarten through 3rd grade. Then I discovered David Lynch, the first movie I saw was Blue Velvet. Unlike convoluted movies throughout the history of masses being drawn to the ordinary, David was a genius. His words are old fashioned, like he’s stripping away all the levels of the rust assimilation into society has masked. To name my favorite David Lynch Film is like pulling emotion from every angle of my mind like a rag-doll, and I love it by the way! Although I love how Blue Velvet so much because it shows a dark, hidden underbelly of human existence, notice the ear found and filmed as if we were looking up from the grass. Frank Booth is what really brings that darkness and insanity to the film, but I would have to say my favorites are Mullholland Drive, which is like a beautiful dream then you wake up to your life. instead its your demons, you are seeing yourself the way you really are except through different entities. Same reason Lost Highway is my second favorite, and so volatile and coveting. I will end that with, “FUCK HEINEIKEN, FUCK THAT FOREIGN SHIT, PABST BLUE RIBBON.”
I’m also a huge fan of satire, throwing the society we are programmed to live in, unless we fight it. Chuck Palanuik doesn’t only expose and question society but he brings realms of his universe in the setting of reality in a way that I really dig. I love Fight Club and seeing the movie before reading the book is beneficial actually, because Chuck gets more in depth about Marla Singer.. I love “Lullaby.” I love the brutal honesty of it, and it really is horrifying. The book that Really saved me during a time of low self esteem was ”Invisible Monsters”. The strength of these women and their journey, and it is throwing high fashion back in it face, I believe that’s more empowering to women.
The first time I saw Videodrome as a kid, it stuck with me. Everything happened to have a phallic vibe, as well as in many of his films. The sexuality is lustful, and violent. As an atheist, he believes there is nothing more violent than the end of your life, so that’s why we all remember scanners. So I .loved Videodrome, but after seeing the movie Crash, not the 911 fluff, that was awful, I felt invigorated and became obsessed, cold steel against human flesh, after the protagonists get in these car accidents their lives are changed forever. They all come together by what seems like fate. They mysteriously manifest these experiences as auto eroticism. Brilliant, I was sold. Before I go on too much more, films that drew me to his style were Dead Ringers, my fascination with gynecologist,and bondage, of course, is a result. If I start to discuss ‘M Butterfly’ it will take up another paragraph.
If money wasn’t an issue, what would be your dream scene or movie to make?
If I were to shoot my dream scene in a parody hands down it would be Cronenbergs Crash. I wouldn’t simply be remaking the film just with sex per se, I would make sure the actors playing the characters were very involved, intertwined with the story, with the experience. Understood the feeling of cold steel against human flesh and ask what comes to mind before casting. My dream scene would be where David Spader is driving with his wife in the car with the convertible top open, then Elias Koteas gets him to go faster while he is having very rough sex that she so sought. I would have Spader’s character fuck Rosanna Arquette during the scene when she’s looking at one particular car. I would create a scene where the car is going crazy while they reach their peak, as David Spader’s character starts to masturbate. It already is entirely sexual so it would be very challenging to do so without fucking it up. Another challenge would be to remake Escape from New York, but I haven’t seen it in awhile and I think I should see it again. In short, intense, primal and passionate fucking in a speeding car in the moonlight on a desolate freeway. Then an explosive car crash.
Who would you say are the people you really want to work with but haven’t had the chance to as of yet?
Not necessarily in order; Katrina Jade, Adriana Chechik, Charlotte Stokely, Anna Foxxx, Romi Rain, Dana Vespoli, Zoey Monroe is one of the most awesome people I’ve ever met, Kissa Sins, Johnny Sins, Manuel Ferrara, Rocco Siffredi, Jenna Sativa, Charlotte Satre, Angela White, Abella Danger, Holly Hendrix, Riley Nixon, Ryan Driller, Mercedes Carerra, Chanell Heart, India Summer, Olive Glass, Chris Strokes, Elena Koshka, Ella Nova, Danny D., Adria Rae, Tommy Gunn, Isiah Maxwell, Elsa Jean, Jessy Jones, Xander Corvus, Mia Malkova, Jovan Jordan, Ryan Driller, Ryan McLane, Diamond Jackson, Small Hands, Kendra Lust, Toni Ribas, Reena Sky, Penny Pax, Cherie Deville. Probably at this point people have stopped reading, same as my other long winded replies, however I need to mention Tommy Pistol because the one time I worked with him I was just an extra, so he’d be closer to the top. Extremely talented dude and multifaceted. I know there are some other performers I forgot to mention. I wish Lexi Belle still did porn.
If you could have a conversation with anyone, dead or alive, who would you choose and why?
David Bowie, because he’s been an inspiration to me my whole life and taught me it was OK to be an alien. He also introduced me to Catherine Deneuve and The Hunger one of my favorite films. A light went out in the world when he died, as well as so many others recently.. I would want to ask him what it was like being an awkward ginger in London, what it was like to work with Brian Eno, Catherine Deneuve, I find her to be one of the most beautiful women to grace the silver screen, Freddy Mercury, Trent Reznor, another musical hero, and so many others. What Lou Reed and the drug culture then was like. What it was like sleeping with Mick Jagger and Iggy Pop or if they just fooled around and what they were into, and how he felt about the movie Velvet Underground. I like to know the catalysts behind someone who can shake complete strangers to the core. Music has always been huge in my life since MTV was decent and claymation was a thing.
What sort of things do you like to do when you aren’t working? Any hobbies?
I like to play with and smooch my pug Maude, and take her to dog parks. Hang out with and fuck eccentric directors, authors, producers and adult industry talent who aren’t complete douchebags, Sometimes amuse myself by turning on the television, reading Neil Gaiman and collecting other comics as well, and going to live shows and art festivals. Oh, and there’s this one person who I would fuck five times a day if I could. That would count as a hobby, wouldn’t it? Nah, just a narcissistic pleasure. ”Normal” stuff really.
Are there any projects or special events coming up that you would like to promote, if so please do so?
I’m going to Exxxotica on November 3rd-5th, And I’ll be signing at ATMLA’s booth this year, schedule hasn’t been made yet. Things are really up in the air, so not many plans.