For those who missed last week’s entry, welcome! This is an advice column for the Trans Community and those that love them. Each week we will field questions from all of you and pick one that covers a different aspect of the Trans world, from love to life to sex to transition. This week’s question is one I get all the time. Defining sexuality should be personal and specific to every individual taste. If you live in someone else’s box, you’ll get trapped in it. Express yourself and be true to yourself in every way, always.
I am a man in a relationship with a Male to Female Transsexual. She never lied to me about being MFT before we dated. She’s very private and has only chosen to tell a handful of people that she is transitioning. Because of this, I really have no one to talk to about issues that come up for me besides her and I don’t want to upset her. So I’m hoping you can give me some advice.
Up until this point I have only had sex with biologically born females, never an MFT. Right now, she is still technically a male. I think of her as a female but her transition is not complete. Does that make me gay? This really concerns and confuses me sometimes.
What’s This Make Me?
Dear What’s This Make Me?
First and foremost, congratulations to you on finding someone to love deeply, that can be a battle in itself in this wild world we live in.
You are not alone. Many partners of MTFs question themselves and become concerned when it comes to putting a label on their role and identity in a relationship because they are trying to fit the definition of what current society creates for sexual partnerships and identities. This is especially the case when one has not fully transitioned. What she is does not define or affect what you are. It doesn’t change how you have identified previously at all. Remember prior to transition, she has always been a woman in mind, soul and spirit, just not in body. You fell for the woman she is.
Whether you are straight, gay or bisexual is something only you can decide. I would not begin to define you for you. In any aspect of your life, not just this one, don’t label yourself to death. My advice to you is to do what feels right for YOU. Enjoy the love you share and know your relationship will continue to evolve and change just as she does.
If you want Venus Lux to answer your question in her next column send your question and/or explain your issue in an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org