There are some quintessential moments in one’s life when you realize certain beliefs you held tried and true are just mythical. There is no Santa Claus , Unicorns aren’t real and romance does not exist for transsexuals. Yeah, you heard me. The illusion is shattered. But let me tell you why.
What fucked this up for me entirely was a day that I went out for a simple walk, doing errands and minding my own business. A man began to walk beside me, chatting me up and asked me for my number. Now, I am not one to give my digits to anyone, never mind a complete and total stranger, but he was sexy, charming, sweet, and he had nice shoes. You’re saying “Venus. Shoes. Really?”. Yes, really. In my book, that is one of the best indicators that a guy has liquid cash flow: impeccable footwear, but I digress.
I have not yet told him I’m transsexual and for all intents and purposes he assumes I am a biological female. Why have I not? I met this man randomly, I did not even know if I would hear from him, and sometimes, I gotta say, I like the spontaneity and thrill to see if I pass or not. I know, immature, but fun. To be clear I never begin a relationship with someone who does not know I’m trans, however, I see no point in announcing it to every random human I meet. To be honest about 15% of guys are totally cool with it, but almost always the immediate question is “Do you want to have sex?” So I like those few minutes of mystery. I’m a good girl, who is philanthropic and accepting of all, it’s a small vice. What of it? There is never that pressure free romance enabling moment of “boy meets girl in line for a latte at Starbucks, they spend the afternoon looking into each others eyes and dream of babies” for transsexuals. So in a world where confectionary affection is void, I will admit I hold on to that butterfly feeling for a few moments before I disclose all.
Now back to our man on the street…..
He calls, and the romantic in me decides to take one last stab at being swept off my feet and I answer the phone. We chit chat for a minute, he still seems pleasant, highly romantic and praising my feminine wiles. So I breathe and go for it. I tell him I have to be completely honest, I am transsexual, so if you have an issue with that we should stop talking now. To my surprise he says that is not a problem, he has been with a TS before, he gets it completely. However, from that point forward the conversation turned solely sexual, and graphic at that.
Look, I’m a porn star (which this man did not know), I’m no prude but how did we go from “I want to take you to a restaurant with a view of the skyline, drink champagne and look into your eyes” to “I want to fuck you up the ass.” in 30 seconds flat? The second he found out I was trans that somehow led him to the assumption that I was all about sex ,devoid of class, and not worthy of respect. Just because I was strong enough to transition and am empowered enough to be expressive as a sexual being in my career, does not mean that I do not require the same tenderness any woman does.
So, yup, he was the final nail in the coffin for me. Yet I still want to be proven wrong, I still want to buy in to the myth. Maybe I am, maybe this isn’t trans specific. Maybe chivalry is dead unilaterally. I’d love for all my girls to write in and let me know; Is romance just non existent for transsexuals or have men just simply forgotten how to treat a lady?